Party-less Party-Girl Pathetically Pouts

I shouldn't have done it…
But I did…
It’s too late now…
Why do I forget that this can happen?...
I should have made a back-up plan…
I forgot about the back-up plan…
Why don’t I have a back-up plan reminder calendar…
One that will send me text and email reminders of , “remember that empty nest/the good times are gone, bull crap band of emotions that invaded your head last time?...warning, warning, warning make a back up plan NOW…one is headed right toward you, RUUUUUN!”

Oh no that would be too simple….instead I get to have my usually wonderful first response to the awareness that I have been bull crap emotion blindsided…that would be the response called BLAME…who the bloody hell can I blame?????

Allow me to share with you the “reasonable and ever so short” list the “committee” meeting in my conference room head made of blame-ees before I was even able to get out of bed this morning.

B: If he would not have ditched my invite to the concert the other night, to instead go and purchase a new ping-pong table for his “no parents allowed” Halloween Paaaarrrrtttyyyyyyy, I could be deciding what I want to wear for all the having fun at his house, beating everyone at Ping Pong plans!

Fairborn Guy: If for just one year (not that I am counting, of hello, 27) he could plan a stinking party rather than always relying on his “party wife” to facilitate all the parties, we could be having a blast tonight. If he loved me he would at least try!!! The least he could do is ask me out for dinner…he never asks me out anymore ...not to mention that he could have planned us our own little celebrated evening of caramel apples accompanied by move the furniture to the side of the room dancing together…why the heck did we even take dance lessons anyway...he neeeeeever wants to dance with me!!! (Committee Chairman interrupts here: I now make a motion, since males have been rightly accused, that we proceed to adding the females; do I hear a second?... second...all in favor?...opposed?...the ayes have it… we shall proceed!)

Sherry: If only she had not Yavorced us; tonight could be full of Ya Ya families, food, fun, and forever memories to add to our previous “forever friends” memories that I wish right now I had zero recollection of.

Snickerdoodle: If she had only called to say “Hey mom, lets plan a Halloween Party and carve pumpkins and make caramel apples and rent a scary movie, I’ll bring my friends and we will make you and Dad dinner”. But no…the “they moved away from home police” are paid to keep adult children from ever wanting to come around unless they need to do laundry or want me to make pizza for them.

Peanut: If she had just not been born the day before Halloween...she should have been content to stay in my dead uterus till her November 13thish due date...then I would be busy and distracted right now with the planning of her upcoming 17th birthday festivities.

Yvonne: If she would have just asked me to host a party tonight I would have...why don't non-party girls always remember that party girls like to be asked to host parties?

Melissa: If only she would have reminded Yvonne to ask me to host a party tonight....she could at least pull a little bit of party weight once in a while!...we could be eating warm chili and cornbread and playing sequence for crying out loud!!!

Cindy: If she would have said no to her dad’s request for help after his tendon repair surgery then she would be in town rather than lovingly assisting his needs; thereby making her perfectly available to attend to MY needs of party-ness tonight…we could be eating her delicious chicken pot pie in her cozy house playing cards with our men who hate to play cards with us. At the very least she could have reminded Melissa to remind Yvonne to ask me to host a stupid party tonight because we can party without her ya know. (Interruption again: committee motion made to include non-people-entities for this blame game…motion seconded…vote taken and counted…ayes have it again)

Peanut’s birthday: If I had not lovingly gone through all the photo albums looking for adorable photos to scan of Birthday Girl, resulting in me seeing all the cute costumes my kids have worn…most of them hand made by their mother and or father…OR the photos of the super fun parties enjoyed with “forever friends” (double blame here for Sherry) I would not give a crap that tonight was party-less, nor would I be pouting right now!!!!!

Addiction: If that sibling of mine was clean and sober, since he is presently home from Alaska and in Seattle, we could happily take a ferry over to Seattle and meet him for an enjoyable dinner in a nice restaurant and reminisce over our Leave It To Beaver childhoods.

Last but not least, the neighborhood I lived in from kindergarten thru most of the 5th grade: If they had not taught me the joy of, pulling taffy, making popcorn balls, and games-all-sorts; as part of a neighborhood where the majority of houses decorated to be participating agents in making it a complete blast for the entire neighborhood. If I had not delighted in the pillowcases full of handmade and very large store bought items to entice my taste buds for the next four months… as long as I rationed myself effectively. If when we arrived home to trade with our friends and siblings the items we least liked for the items they least liked, …having zero fear of poison or razor blades being planted, then tonight I would be perfectly happy to just watch some TV on the couch next to my husband with zero necking involved..........because necking leads to other things, and other things are impossible when there is the reality of last child living at home, plus any number of teens, descending upon our house for food or costume changes or or or or or... as they happily announce while they speed in and out “we need such and such board game to take down to So & So’s house!” so they can continue the fun they are having SOMEWHERE ELSE!

------------ “Sigh”…says the now too tired to party anyway pouty-faced party-girl! “Therapy session over, I think I will go make enchiladas and see what is on the news while I ponder where I may have piled my gratitude journal.”


Cindy said...

Damn committees! WE hate them, we do! You should have come up here with me and then you could have given out candy to all the cuties I hear outside while I took care of my daddy!

Yvonne R said...

I move that all parties here and here into refered shall have their comments striken from the record. The party girl, known here as Tink shall be generously cyber hugged and all offending parties here afore mentioned IE family and friends be beaten with a wet noodle until laughter ensues.

countrymouse said...

I *love* the label "Midlife Madness" : )

You are so cute! Sorry you had a bummer of a non-party night though.

Faith said...

Ah darlin....... dont'ya know you coulda come have slipped into yer finest Stepford Wife attire and joined me at Cosmo's Restaurant, where-in I was WORKING that night (oh joy oh rapture) in MY finest Stepford Wife attire. We could have sat at the bar (on my break of course), you will your martini and me with my FAKE martini (stupid washington state and their "no drinking on the job" laws) and we could have been QUITE the pair, we two. I'm considering the thought of pouting cause you DIDN'T do that. That would have been SUCH fun.

Oh and FYI, I will have you know that I did NOT attend B's "no parents allowed" halloween ping pong party, but rather sent the boyfriend alone, promptly putting on the jam jams and sitting on the couch all night with a White Russian, a tired little Stepford Wifey indeeeeeeed. Enough said. Again, wished you were there.

Mary said...

This reminds me of last Christmas when, scared by the snow, my parents bailed, followed quickly by both of my older daughters after dinner. A total dud of a holiday.

I had my own plans that absolutely fell apart on Halloween too. Instead I had the pleasure of being reprimanded during a conversation by an elementary school teacher, chiding me that I was "culturally insensitive" after a comment I made. I love this dear friend, but that was *so* not as much fun as the margarita made with the *good* tequila that I was originally promised.

Uh-huh. Not even close. ; )

And for the record? I was not culturally insensitive. So there.